Captain 5 drinks

He's in a cave. It's dark. There is no door, but only mold-covered walls, and a damp rocky floor. The ceiling has a hole for sunlight to come in, but there are bars on it, and it's impossible to reach anyways. He hasn't had food for days. He doesn't really care though. He never liked food much anyways. There's the damp water on the ground, but he takes dumps in the corner, so it might not be so clean. There's only one thing that Captain 5 has with him, and that's the whiskey.

When they put him in here, they were just lying there. There was a whole buncha bottles lying around. They were full. It was a brand he never heard of, but he would recnognize that smell anywhere. The aroma that puts hair where hair should not be, and softens what should've been hard that night long ago. She didn't understand, but that's alright. By the smell, he thought the whiskey was distilled many moons ago. Perhaps somewhere in the southern tips of the Falkland Islands. It had that Falkland twang in it.

Captain 5 had been in his cell for a while now. He had lost track of the time, and gave up on counting the days. He got really drunk tons, and always passed out and never knew how long he was passed out for. Puking wasn't much fun. The bile never tastes nice, but that's the way it goes. He could finish off a bottle in one sitting, and a sitting usually lasted about 50 minutes. After that, he'd pass out for God knows how long, and then he'd puke up bile and have the whiskey shits. He never liked the whiskey shits, but no one does, and he knew that if his buddies could smell his poo, they'd be disgusted. He took solace in that.

Right now, he was wasted. He was singing a song. A song about simpler times. It was about whiskey and sailing, and when saying "I love you" had meaning. He was thinking of the times when it he hadn't accepted death, and he got drunk to rock out hard and sing along forever. He remembered the woman of Amazonia, and Gillian, the only girl that would let him read his favourite poetry to her all night long.

He looked like shit. Shit stains everywhere. He hadn't trimmed his beard in ages, and his captain's hat was all cuffed. They cuffed up his captain's hard. He wanted to cry and beg, but he didn't. The captain was too proud for that, he wouldn't let them see the inner child that only wanted to have a piece of candy, he gave them the captain's stare, and told them to fuck off and eat shit (and all that).

His smell was also disgusting.

The captain wondered where he was, and why he was in a hole. If he wasn't drunk as fuck, he would remember, but he was drunk as fuck, so he couldn't. He couldn't even remember his own number. He could remember that he liked whiskey, and that while whiskey usually liked him, it wasn't being very nice these days. What with all the excrement and the smell and all that.

Suddenly, as he was singing loud, the old song of the seas:

I was dressed for success
but success it never came
and I'm the only one who laughs
at your jokes when they are so bad
and your jo-

When a figure came over the hole above him.

"Captain 5!"

"What! Fuck off, I'm busy in here! Can't you hear me singing!"

"I'm here to free you!"

"Free yourself asshole! I'm busy!"

"Captain! The revolution occured. We did it! We stormed the goverment buildings. Took back what was rightfully ours!"

"Well I'm not rightfully yours, so go fuck yourself!"

"Captain! You've drank too much! Don't you know what you're drinking? That's no ordinary whiskey, that shit fucks your brains right up!"

"That's ordinary whiskey you fucker! It's top notch!"

"Captain! We have to hurry! The king's forces have lost control of the government, but they still roam these areas! They could be here any second! I'm risking my life for you Captain!"

Now normally the Captain would respect this, and would understand. Honestly, he would. The Captain was a good man. But he was really fuckign drunk, and let's be honest with ourselves, when we're sauced, we're not that rad. Yeah, we're dancing and singing song and feeling like we're feeling the fucking intensity, but the girl beside you... she's not beside you anymore, is she. She's at the other end of the room, and she's not taking pictures because you're hot, it's because you're being an idiot and she wants to show her friends how much of a tool you are. The Captain was in no condition to be Admiral Reasonable.

"Fuck off!"

So the man left, and the Captain passed out. As the Captain was lying in his own dirtiness, the man came back, and with the revolutionary forces, got the Captain out of his cell, and put him in the nearest inn, where he would be safe.

Captain 5 needed to rest.